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Monday, June 28, 2021

Why I Dislike Montreal Bagels: My Definitive Listicle

 One of the enduring battles on twitter is between those who dislike Montreal bagels and people with bad judgment.  It came up today yet again, so why do I dislike Montreal bagels so much?

  1. Most importantly, if they are not fresh out of the oven, they are bricks.  Chewy is not even close to what they are.
  2. Some people like the wood oven taste (ignoring how bad it is for the environment but whatevs), but I find eating burnt baked goods to be suboptimal.
  3. The choice is between poppyseed and sesame seed.  Which is kind of like: would you prefer to be burned by acid or by fire?  Neither one is a desirable choice.  Yes, there is lots of controversy over the flavors of non-Montreal bagels, but the choice of sesame and poppy is one of yuck or ick.  

 That's it.  The only things wrong with Montreal bagels are how they feel in one's mouth (brick), how they taste (burnt), and the flavors they come in.  Other than that, they are fine.  

Make mine NYC everyday and twice on Sunday.  The diversity of NYC bagels--pumpernickel, onion, egg, etc--means not just variety but freedom to choose.  Soft bagels that don't risk my teeth.  The most excellent platform for some cream cheese, lox, and red onions.  Or, if one prefers, fried egg, cheese, and bacon or ham.  

Montreal has a lot of great food, but the stuff that gets the most promotion/attention (let's talk smoked meat some other day) is wildly overvalued.  Perhaps it is all about overcompensation?

 

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