My favorites are:
3. Bad decisions make good stories.
4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
14. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
- I was a complete idiot on the phone at the Pentagon--"Saideman: S as in Sam, A as in Apple ... "easily gave away that I was not a military guy--Sierra Alpha Indigo etc.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I used do this all the time in middle and high school, even after the French teacher with whom I shared mutual loathing pulled out the desk behind me upon which I was leaning.