Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Red Dawn, Eh?

I was reading a review of the Red Dawn remake in Entertainment Weekly, and it said that "the aggressors could have easily been Indonesian, or Cambodian, or any foreigners, really for all that politics matter ..." and it struck me: why not Canadians, eh?

Sure, the invasion fears, outside of South Park, are all in the opposite direction--that the US would invade Canada in search of maple, beer, oil and water.  But aside from that whole 34 million vs 315 million plus population ratio problem, isn't a Canadian invasion just more realistic?

The advantages of a Red Dawn with Canadians as the enemy:
  1. Geography in so many ways.  No need to come up with a falling dominoes through Mexico story (RD original) or figure out how the North Koreans or Chinese manage to leap the Pacific (RD remake).  The Canadians are just right next door with no real defenses along the border.  Also, you could shoot the film in Canada since they have much practice at imitating American cities and towns.
  2. Casting: heaps of Canadians in Hollywood so getting folks who can talk in a Canadian accent would be easy.  
  3. No worries about offending anyone.  Substituting North Koreans for Chinese by just switching a few flags around is probably pretty offensive to both Chinese and Koreans, bu the movie-makers did the switch to avoid offending a very large market.Would Canadians get offended about being seeing as the aggressive invaders?  Nah, they would just be happy not to be ignored.
  1. Is it hard to believe that the Canadians could be so aggressive?  Just start the movie with some selected hockey brawls and hockey-related riots.  It would be hard to depict credibly Canadians being willing to torture the Americans, but if the kids insult the seal fur industry enough, you can probably see some genuine Canadian rage.
  2. That 34 million vs. 300+ million problem?  Well, this would just make the insurgency that much more believable, right?  If you need a good ratio to win a counter-insurgency, then the outnumbered Canadian aggressors can be credibly defeated by the American high school kids.
The Big Challenge:
What would motivate a Canadian invasion of the US?  They cannot bring the warmer weather north, and they have their own oil ...  Perhaps some Canadian singer or movie star is mistreated by the American tabloids, resulting in a crisis?  No, the answer is actually obvious.  The Canadians, frustrated at the damage that the American-dominated National Hockey League has done to their beloved sport, seek to take over the US, so that they can gain control of the NHL, end the lockout and bring back the lost franchises that are melting away in Arizona and Florida and elsewhere.

I will leave the key plot points and tactics for next time, but how does this sound so far?

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